Dear Teenager, let’s have a heart to heart talk. You will also get to read my story.
Do you know everyone struggles with one thing or the other at one point in life no matter who the person is?
Struggles that ranges from struggles with fear, validation from people, academic failure, business, health challenge(s), financial issues, relationships issues, worry, depression, etc
Just like any person, I have had some struggles in time past as well but I will be talking about the biggest struggle I ever had. AND IT WAS MY STRUGGLE(S) WITH SEXUAL SINS FOR OVER 5 YEARS.
If we want to be truthful with ourselves, this is the major sins people (especially young people) struggle with in this generation.
This has been the most used weapon by the enemy in capacitating believers.
Sexual sin is not just about having sex before marriage.
Sexual sins comprise of masturbation, watching pornography, fornication, lust, adultery, incest, bestiality, homosexuality, etc
Before I go ahead, I will like to to say that any form of sexual sins is a great offence before God.
Some will ask “Is Masturbation a sin?”
The honest answer is that “Yes, it is a sin.”
By the grace of God, I am the first child and daughter of the family of six.
Though I used to be a very gentle and calm girl but depression and loneliness started setting and I also rarely keep friends.
In bid to get over my loneliness, I resulted to reading of novels to keep up with my loneliness.
Then, I could finish a novel of 300+ pages in a day. From there, I started getting exposed to many things.
First, it started with masturbation. This was the biggest struggle ever.
It became serious that I could commit this act anywhere.
I once masturbated even in the church. Imagine!!!
Fast forward to the third term of my Senior Secondary School 1, I entered into a relationship like that which lasted for a year, a month and some days.
Even though I promised myself I would never enter a relationship till I am ready for it but I couldn’t.
I needed love and attention from someone and I was getting it for free.
That was the beginning of my relationship escapades.
Mind you, God so much honoured me with the fact that I was academically good. I used to be on first position until the first term in my Senior Secondary School 2 when I came third. Of course, it was obvious that the relationship affected me.
After we broke up, I entered into other relationships (official and unofficial ones) all in the name of trying to find emotional balance.
In all these relationships, the only thing that never happened was sex. This is because even in all I did, my conscience was still much alive. I feared God, hell fire and devil so much.
Besides, I could say that God just helped me though. Also, I kept enjoying God’s favour in other areas of my life.
As time went by, I got entangled in pornography as well. I watched so much pornography.
I need to let you know that I was a chorister in the church right from Youth church, even serving as an executive.
JOURNEY TO FREEDOM
To be sincere, it wasn’t an easy one.
There were times I cried so much in my closet. I made so much promises to God to change. I remember there was a particular day I jumped from the up bunk in school all because I was tired with my life.
Everyday was a day to repent for me. When I see people talk about their salvation story and the day they were saved, I always felt sad because I couldn’t really point to a specific day.
I could not tell anyone for fear of AND YOU ARE A PASTOR’S CHILD OH.
You know that kind of thing?
The very first person I eventually talked to about it was a brother. Even at that, I didn’t tell him the whole truth. And the reason why I could even tell him was when he shared his salvation story with me and he mentioned the fact that he had once been into masturbation as well.
That is one of the reasons why no one should shy away from sharing his/her struggles and experiences in life with others. It might be the help someone in that same situation needs.
WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS THAT EVENTUALLY HELPED ME THAT CAN ALSO HELP ANYONE IN SAME SITUATION OR ANY KIND OF STRUGGLE?
There are so many ways but I have summarized them into 10 points.
1) Never lose hope: If there is anyone in the act of one sexual sin or the other, please don’t lose hope of being delivered.
That’s the beginning of your journey to your deliverance.
The devil can so much make one feel that God will never ever forgive.
I had that thoughts too and it almost never made me got free.
I would think “After all the preachings I’ve had and promises I’ve made, can God still save me?”
Have confidence that God can save you and will save you.
If yours is struggling with academic failure or something else, never lose hope as well.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him – Jeremiah 17:7 (KJV)
2) Genuinely repent: There is no two way to this. All you need to do is repent.
Be sincerely sorry for your sins and ask for mercy.
See, if one still has pleasure in doing whatsoever sexual sin it is, that person will never be free.
You need to hate the sin, repent and be determined to forsake them all.
Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out – Acts 3:19 (ESV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:8 (ESV)
3) Have faith in God: Our salvation is by grace through faith in God. One needs to strongly trust that God had indeed forgiven the sins committed.
One need to also trust Him that He is able to help you stand.
Faith! It is an important element in a believer’s life.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. – Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)
4) Speak out: In all sincerity, it might be difficult to speak out especially if you happen to be my kind of person who loves privacy or someone who is introverted.
Sin thrives in secrecy.
Well, I need to say that many get scared of speaking out because of fear of being talked down or being looked upon with disdain. That is why I will say that prayerfully seek whom you could speak to.
It’s not everybody that is called a Christian that is worth telling things about you.
I read an article on www.faithfulwrites.com of someone that shared his story of how he recently got delivered from pornography. And in the comment section, someone replied that he is currently in that web and wish to get free as well and I really salute the person’s openness.
5) Be deliberate about your freedom: Sexual sin will never agree to leave one, it is one that will get determine to leave.
You have to consciously avoid any object of temptation.
🎯 Watch what you read (both offline and online).
🎯 Watch what you discuss with people, even so called Christians. There are times when mere talk around sex by people is what triggers them to commit sin.
In situations like that, excuse yourself from the discussion. If it’s a gathering you can’t leave, cover your ears or plug your earpiece and start listening to edifying songs.
🎯 Watch what you watch. That is one of the reasons I don’t like watching American movies. The project so much sexual scenes in their movies.
🎯 Watch what you think or meditate on. Stop thinking about how romantic your wedding night would be. It will be romantic, so don’t think about it yet.
🎯 Watch your actions: Anyone seeking freedom from sexual sin will avoid being in close door with the opposite sex. The person should avoid being clingy to the opposite sex. The person should watch how he relates around them. I know of some people who don’t shake hands nor hug. Shaking and hugging is not a sin but it’s just their own way of shielding themselves.
🎯 Don’t stay alone if you know staying alone might make you fall.
🎯 Get busy. Take up responsibilities. Sexual sins will always make one feel unworthy or unqualified to do anything. But then, get something doing. Write if you can. Compose songs.
6) Have an accountability partner: If one seeks for quick freedom, then such a one should have someone who can always watch his/her back.
I had the issue of having accountability partner because I trusted no one then and it really worsened the situation. Now, I understand what role an accountability partner can play in the life of a believer that seeks for growth.
If you’re someone’s accountability partner, endeavour to watch the person closely and check up regularly. Also, the other person should also learn to speak up even without being asked.
If someone is accountable to you, be faithful. You shouldn’t be telling every bro Johnson and sis Juliet of what sis Benedict is struggling with.
7) Pray: So much have been said on prayers in the past few days. Prayer is very key in a believer’s life. It is in the place of prayer one can receive grace, strength and power to overcome.
A prayerless Christian is a powerless Christian.
If you think you don’t know how to pray, start by PRAYING THE SCRIPTURES.
I love the book of ROMANS so much because it talks about sin, death and freedom.
Some of the verses I love praying with is Romans 6:14 – For sin shall not have dominion over me. For I am not under the law but under grace.
Another one is Romans 8:1 – There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit.
Prayer is like sowing a seed. There were times I cried and even fasted and I still fell again. But in all, I never stopped praying. Besides, I knew it was a situation beyond my power.
One can listen to messages and songs that will spur one to pray as well.
There are so many verses that talks about prayers, let’s check them out.
8) Forgive yourself: If you still blame yourself for past actions and sins even after God has forgiven you, you will never be free.
This is because one will keep wallowing in guilt and condemnation and if care is not taken, such a one might fall again.
Some might have gone deep into sexual sins by having all kinds of sex or abortion. But I must tell you that no matter how great the sins might be, God will forgive if one repents.
And if God can forgive, why then will one not forgiving himself/herself?
9) Feed on God’s Word and practice meditation:
The Bible is sweet to read.
Read several versions of the Bible to get deep understanding and love of whatever verse you read.
Don’t just read but study the Scriptures.
Affirm the promises in it.
Draw strength from it.
Meditate on it.
One can decorate the wall of his/her room with Bible references that you’ll always see and meditate on.
10) Celebrate your victory daily: Devil is not always happy when people are happy. All he loves is seeing place people in agony, self pity, sadness, etc.
Celebration pisses him off so much.
So, let him know you’re happy and joyful in the Lord no matter what happens.
Rejoice always – 1 Thessalonians 5:16
Yours might not be struggles with sexual sins.
However, whatever struggle it might be:
1) Never lose hope.
2) Be sure you are a child of God.
3) Have faith in God.
4) Speak out and seek for help/advice.
5) Be deliberate about your freedom/success/achievement as the case may be.
6) Have accountability partners and mentors.
7) Pray, Pray and Pray.
8) Forgive yourself of whatever mistakes you might have done.
9) Feed on God’s Word.
10) Rejoice always. Celebrate yourself always.
Someone will say the struggle is real. Yes, I agree. It is. Even when you think you’re over the struggle. It might not be easy but God’s grace is sufficient.